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16:06 - 30.10.03 "I know" He stood there drenched in the rain. Raindrops soaking his hair. Thick drops cling to the ends. His wild black hair plastered, painted to his skull. It's a blessing in disguise, the rain that is. With the rain being as heavy as it is, she can't tell how hard he's crying. Crying always hurts him. It starts with a slow burn just behind his eyes. Then it feels like the muscles in his face are locking up and he can't do a thing to stop it. Eventually it feels like his jaw begins to contort and soon his coaxed into balling like a child without a mother. His head swims and throbs with pain. I suppose if he cried on a more regular basis it wouldn't feel like a flood gate being forced open. There is no simple or heartwenching feeling that struck people when he cries. He can't cry like Mel Gibson or like Crispin Glover in "Willard" which was both sad and pathetic. No, when he cried it looked awkward and just painful. So the rain was a blessing in disguise, so she couldn't tell if he was crying. She stood there in the doorway of the bus station. Protected from the cold and wet by archway. She was the most breath taking creature on this planet. Her hair was long black silky and smooth. Her eyes brown and ominous. She was evil, maybe not intentionally, but it was still there. She was slender and pale. Fragile to the touch and timid to the idea of love. She couldn't be seen as evil. Not at first glance. It was an acquired sight. Her face was too soft, her dimples melted your heart when she smiled. Her face round and sweet. A gentle soul and faithful youth was painted on her face. She would kill you with kindess. Bah, she would kill you period, you would just convince yourself it was kindness. Standing at 5 ft 2 and only weighing 105 lbs you wouldn't think she was capable of much harm. Unfortunately you would be wrong. What she hides underneath her long black sweaters and her long sweeping dresses are scars riddled with issues and cruelty. Celebrating her 19th birthday by slicing up her wrists in the bathroom while her guests cluelessly served cake and chatted about the planned night events. The right in the ambulance and late night therapy session brought the party to a crashing halt and her friends quickly disappear into the night. It didn't matter though. He was there. After 20 she was more off the idea of hurting herself and doing harm to other people instead. Nearly killing her fiance with a aluminum bat to the sky while he slept. The whole situation could have been avoided if he just had done the dishes like she had asked two days ago. I imagine if she didn't grow up with abuse all her life she wouldn't restort to it like a warm blanket. I doubt her past would excuse the fact that she gave him a black eye and a stabbed him in the leg. Fucked his best friend on his birthday because he wanted to spend that night with his buddy who took the trip from Texas to Vancouver for the occasion. Despite these things. Despite the fact that she was a crazy insensative bitch he loved her. With all his heart he loved her. None of his friends could understand why he would go through the hell he did just to see her smile. Once. Many nights he laid awake, wondering about her when she wasn't home to pick up the phone, or didn't show up. Too many nights he cried himself asleep because of her. No matter though, he hurt more to hear her cry. To watch the sadness he had caused her. To feel helpless at that moment watching her shattered and try to crawl into herself. She was as fragile as glass that could easily cut you. He hurt a lot because of her. She hurt a lot because of what she was doing to him. They were perfect for each other. She warned him when they first kissed that she will hurt him. He warned her that he when he falls in love with her, and he will, he will become addicted to her. So she did and so did he. Now they're here. A perfect couple. Never could they ever find another person that would be as complimentary and perfect for one another. Which is why they can't be together. Life isn't supposed to be that wonderful and terrible. Life is supposed to dwell in mediocrity so that exquisite moments can be even more so. I don't worry about her, she'll move on and perhaps find herself soon enough. She always has, she's survived a lot and she'll survive this too. I'm concerned about him though. He's in love with her, even now while she's leaving him. He won't forget her, they'll never be a moment when he's not still madly in love with her. Though he'll survive by his over simplification of this whole twisted relationship. He offered his heart to her and she accept. Now it's her's to break. He can't bring himself to say goodbye, so he only says what he feels. "I love you" Even though she's heard and said several goodbyes over her life time. This one is different, it doesn't seem to right say goodbye like this. So she can only say what she feels. "I know" Ain't love the sweetest thing? ~Story inspired by "The Sweetest Thing" by U2
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